A fulfilling life, episode 2: Destination
February 12, 2008
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There are three elements to a fulfilling life and three qualities with which to address those elements. The three elements are:
- Inspiration
- Destination
- Contribution
And the three Qualities are:
- Leadership
- Service
- Joy
In the coming days I will write about these various topics. Today I will write about Destination.
The second key ingredient to a fulfilling life is destination. Destination refers to the sense of direction that you have in your life. Where are you going? You have heard the old and clichéd saying that if you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there. I want to complicate the way you probably understand that saying.
There are two basic approaches to finding and determining your destination. The first approach features extensive goal setting in a variety of ways. The second approach allows for guidance to determine your destination. The first approach states that you are the master of your destiny and the second states that you have no idea about mastering your destiny and asks that you commune with God (however you interpret that word is up to you). It is not up to me to tell you which of these two approaches you should follow. The only thing I will say is that you must make sure that the choice for either of these two approaches is entirely yours. This is so important and you cannot let anybody influence you on this point.
Goal setting.
Can you write your ideal obituary now? Stephen Covey is the best known proponent of this approach. A religious man for sure, he clearly ask you to begin with the end in mind. This is one of the central ideas of his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He asks that you see yourself as you are being buried. What will your life look like in retrospect? What have you done? Nothing focuses the mind than the realization that we do not live forever.
Of course to imagine your own obituary is only the beginning. The real work is in the focused action that should follow this exercise. But it is a terrific exercise that forces you, not only to consider what you want accomplish, but also what it is that you want to be known for. That is to say, what is the quality of your life.
Once you see the picture of your life, you can then begin to shorted the time frame and focus your actions more and more. So for instance, what is your goal for your life ten years from now? How about five, years, three, years, one year? Now, can you describe your goals for 90 days from now? That is a really useful thing to do. To have a 90 day outlook gives you some clearly defined achievable goals.
Some, like Todd, have suggested that some flexibility is required in goal setting. Sure, set your goals, and then be playful with them at least. Don’t forget that life will either throw stuff at you, or provide unique opportunities that you simply cannot imagine right now.
The greatest and simplest line I have ever read about goal setting is from Og Mandino’s famous The Greatest Salesman in the World: “I will consider my best performance of the past and multiply it a hundredfold.” Can you think of your best performance of the past?
The Spiritual Path.
If you are a spiritual person, you might consider the goal setting approach unsuitable for you. Here the clichéd saying is: The way to make God laugh is to show Him your plans.
When you decide to follow a spiritual path, the dedication and commitment required are stronger than when you follow a goal setting path. You have to focus on the journey and you have released the idea that you are in control of your own life. There are few people whose example you can follow and this society does not reinforce your decision. That is why it is a good idea to find a teacher of your liking.
Giving up a sense of control can be thought of in several ways. If you are Buddhist inclined, you might decide that there is nobody to have any sense of control. The idea that there is a central command, and ”I”, who is in control, is an illusion. That illusion is the main source of our suffering, because that illusion can only be maintained by attaching outside things to it. “I” have a career, a car, money, a wife or husband. Those attachments create suffering, so Buddha teaches. Meditation is a central practice for you to let go of the illusion of yourself.
If you are a Christian or another monotheist, you might consider that God is in control and that your job is to discern God’s wishes for you and your life. Again, it is not up to you to decide what you will do. God will guide you if you know how to seek His guidance. Prayer is a central practice for you if you do seek His guidance.
A middle way.
Buddha spoke of the middle way. Rejecting both materialism and asceticism, he taught that his followers should be disciplined but moderate in the way in which they follow him. I want to suggest a middle way between goal setting and the spiritual path as I described it above.
As long as you haven’t realized God in your life fully, or haven’t shattered the illusion of your ego entirely, you are probable best of setting some goals in your life. Some of these goals include disciplined practice of meditation and prayer—you want to incorporate both.
Other goals, well, you decide. Whichever goals you decide upon, write them down. Yes, I am a broken record, but keeping a journal is critical. Being self reflective is required for personal growth. Writing down your goals allows you to review them. Don’t be a slave to your goals. Adjust them as you deem necessary. Perhaps what seemed important one day became less so the next.
Perhaps your goals were set to high. No big deal. You have learned that you need to take smaller steps. Congratulations and move on. Write them down. Write them down as concretely as you can.
Technorati Tags: goals, meditation, prayer, spirituality, buddhism, christianity, covey, mandino, destination
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