On April 10, I was asked to preach in my church. It was the first time for me and I was terrified. At the same time, I knew the time was there and that I had a word to share, a word that I think helped many people there. I want to share my prepared text here. Of course, a sermon is only alive when preached. I learned that God gave me the words to preach, and at the same time provided the context, which was larger than I could have foreseen. I was blessed. (All bible quotes are from the NSRV).

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My God, My God!

It is a wonderful thing to be invited by your own church to preach.

You have seen me since I started out on this journey with Jesus from the beginning. When I could barely mention his name, when I was baptized and when I was still reluctant to call myself a Christian. You were there.

When I lost my temper, you were there.

When I was tight as a drum, you were there.

When I fell out on the floor with only the name of Jesus on my lips, you were there.

I am deeply honored to be here before you. In your service.

There are some protocol words that people often say when they get up here. “First giving honor to God…” I don’t want to offend anybody, but I am not that good with protocol.

So from my heart, hear me when I say, I love you all.

Speaking of love, will you say hi to my husband Gil?

This Summer we will have been together for 20 years. I wouldn’t be here without him. When we first got together, he spoke about God, and I was the cynical atheist. I was also opposed to getting married when we met. Something he reminded me off just a few weeks ago.

The roles haven’t reversed, that is not what I am saying. I am saying that nothing could have predicted 20 years ago that I would be in the US, In San Francisco, a Christian, preaching. Nothing at all.

But I learned that God has searched me and has known me. Such knowledge truly is too wonderful for me.

Since you know me, I want to be transparent with you about my words today. What I have to say to you is something that I am learning. I know that Bishop can come up here and say “I am telling you what I know.” I cannot make the same claim. I want to be honest with you. I am telling you what I am learning.

But this is a word that is burning on my lips. I have to tell you what I have inside me, for me to encourage you and for you to remind me when I need reminding. Is that OK?

Let us pray…

We are in the season of Lent. We are talking about the wounded healer and I know of no greater wounded healer than Christ resurrected. Before he could be resurrected, he was on the cross, suffering beyond what I can imagine. And he revealed himself to his followers after Easter by showing them his wounds. “See my hands and my feet. This is me, Jesus. I have come back to you.”

But before he could do that, he was hanging on the cross, he had this moment which is one that we all can relate to. He called on God. Eli Eli, Lama sabachtani. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me.

Three of the four gospels record this. I can imagine that the gospel writers knew something about it that they wanted us to know too. My God My God, why have you forsaken me.

I want to talk about this line today.

Two years ago, I heard Joellyn Monahan preach about this. Many of you know her. She works at PSR, and has been to several fellowship conferences. She preached on this line and did something that I thought was remarkable.

She did not seek to answer anything. She did not seek to smooth things over. She did not try to make this understandable. She gave us all permission to feel that at times we feel we are without God’s presence. And that is a scary place.

Scary as it may be, we can feel comforted that Jesus was there too; that there is no feeling we can have that Jesus doesn’t know about. We never have to feel to be apart from Jesus, even when we feel that God has abandoned us.

Today, however, I want to talk about this passage slightly differently and give you, perhaps, another tool in your toolbox.

This line that Jesus spoke, was the first line of Psalm 22. And it is about this psalm that I want to talk today. You see, the psalms were really songs. One of the reasons they were songs is that we remember songs better than just spoken text. Recent brain research shows us why this is. When you speak you only engage this part on the left of your brain, but when you sing, you engage your entire brain, both sides, and that makes it that much easier to remember.

The other thing is that music has a peculiar quality. Even though music takes time to sing and time to hear, we can also, when we know a song, have the entire song in our mind, all at once. You know what I mean, when I give you an example.

Deacon Gamage is going help me with this, and he will sing the first line of a song, and when he is done, you can sing the next one. OK?

Here is the first one:

Hear my cry Oh Lord
Attend on to my plea
From the ends of the earth
Will I cry unto thee -
When my heart is overwhelmed,
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I
That is higher than I

How about this one:

Spirit – You are our mother – You are our mother and father
Spirit – You are our mother – You are our mother and father 

We are the clay – You are the Potter
We are the clay – You are the Potter

We are the work of Your hands – the work of Your hands – the work of Your hands
We are the work of Your hands – the work of Your hands – the work of Your hands

And then there is this one:

Falling in love with Jesus
Falling in love with Jesus
Falling in love with Jesus
is the best thing I have ever done

You see that when you hear the first line of the song, you hear the entire song all at once. If you know it of course. Jesus knew Psalm 22, and you can be sure that when he sang that first line, he was singing the entire psalm all at once.

Wait, before you miss it. He sang. It is entirely possible that Jesus sang on the cross. And since he chose this song, let’s look at it.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer;
and by night, but find no rest.

Oh, I know that feeling, and I bet you do too. God, where are you? What is going on here? I thought you would always be with me, well, now would be a good time. Do you now here me cry, God? I am crying out to you right now. What is this? Some cruel joke that you do not answer me?

And there is a moment that the psalm writer remembers something about God. But this sounds like a church official talking to you.

Yet you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our ancestors trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried, and were saved;
in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.

I remember, sure, you have done it for the others. I have seen the people in my church, they were healed, they found homes, they had good things happen to them, but you know, when you are truly in trouble, you don’t care that others have been saved, that others have found help. You need God to show up right now. You have no time to remember the others. They are different anyway.

But I am a worm, and not human;
scorned by others, and despised by the people.
All who see me mock at me;
they make mouths at me, they shake their heads;
‘Commit your cause to the Lord; let him deliver—
let him rescue the one in whom he delights!’

When you are really going through something, it doesn’t matter that God is doing all those wonderful things for other people. How about me? This is about me? I don’t have time to wait till you find it in your heart to help me too, once you are done with all those others, I need your help now. Where are you?

Of course, I remember that you helped me too. You were there for me, once upon a time.

Yet it was you who took me from the womb;
you kept me safe on my mother’s breast.
On you I was cast from my birth,
and since my mother bore me you have been my God.
Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

You helped me before, when I was just born and at my most vulnerable. But still, that is not enough. Don’t you see the trouble that I am in right now. I am hanging on the cross. If ever there was a time I needed your help , now is the time. This is not a good time to see if I still trust you, if that is your game. Are you testing my faith? Can’t you do that some other time? Because look,

Many bulls encircle me,
strong bulls of Bashan surround me;
they open wide their mouths at me,
like a ravening and roaring lion.

I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax;
it is melted within my breast; my mouth is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to my jaws;
you lay me in the dust of death.

For dogs are all around me;
a company of evildoers encircles me.
My hands and feet have shriveled;
I can count all my bones.
They stare and gloat over me;
they divide my clothes among themselves,
and for my clothing they cast lots.

But you, O Lord, do not be far away!
O my help, come quickly to my aid! Deliver my soul from the sword,
my life from the power of the dog!
Save me from the mouth of the lion!

There are those times when all you can do is go up to God and raise your fist at him. You!, You and I are going to have some words here. That thing that you promised, where is it? Now is the time to be there for me, and where are you? I put my trust in you, and now they are telling me I am a fool to have faith. What is going on?

You know there are those times when you have to come up close to God, grab him by the vest and not let go. I sometimes want to yell at God to where my spit is flying in his eyes, to where he can smell my breath: What is going on? What? Why? There is nothing about this that makes any sense. You betray us. What about Ben, who is in such pain right now, because three weeks ago, you, yes you, took his lover of 23 years in a car accident. What’s up with that? He was just driving to work and looking forward to spending a month with his lover. And you thought it was good idea to kill him then? What on earth?

There are those times when you just have to come up close to God and demand that he explain himself. You simply cannot take no for an answer. Like Jacob, you wrestle with God and you won’t let go. You haven’t seen me like this, have you? God has. God knows all about me, and that included the times when I just so furious that I feel my head will burst. But I have learned to take it right where I need to take it. To God.

You see, the most important words that Jesus spoke or sang when he was on the cross, where not “Why have you forsaken me.” The most important words are the first words he utters:

“My God, My God.”

Jesus isn’t crying out to just anybody. He isn’t speaking ill of God to you or me. The psalm writer is not lamenting about God to some other person in the room, she is lamenting to God.

And when you see that, you can see that sometimes being angry with God, being desperate with God, is the highest form of prayer that you can offer. Paul said to bring your whole body before God, and that includes, your anguish, that included your hatred. Because when you bring that right before God, you stay in relationship with God, you show that somewhere you still love God and that you still trust God.

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.

I want to demonstrate this to you. [Ask Sean to come up] You know Sean. I love Sean. This is an example ok? Suppose I heard something that Sean did that upset me. I can do one of two things.

[Turn away from him, shoulders high, puffed up, air of “I don’t need you.”] And while you are here, you can take it even further: “You know pastor, minister, that Sean, I am not feeling him today. No, I feel that he has left me high and dry. Let me tell you about it, how Sean left me alone when he could have helped me, easily, as he promised. Yeah you over there, I want to tell you about Sean too. You know what he did to me? Do you have a minute, because it is quite a story.”

Or you can do this [turn to face Sean]

And now I can look at him and come up to him and ask him what is going on. And you know Sean, there is that smile. Just wait for it, just hang on for a moment.

You see, there it is.

I can do all the ranting and raving there is, but at some moment, I have to come up for air. At some moment, I will pause, I will be done. It may take a few minutes, or it may takes days or months, perhaps years. You may have to talk to God for a long time. But I guarantee you that there will be that moment that you have to pause, and look, and listen. And then you can see that Sean smile.

And all of a sudden, everything changes. Wait a moment, that is the real Sean I remember, the one who smiles at me, with that loving smile. All that stuff that I thought about him, that is something else. I don’t know what it is, but that is not Sean. Sean is right before me and he is smiling at me and he loves me.

God is not taking it out on you, God is not having fun at your expense. I don’t know why John had to die, but it wasn’t because God was angry or wanted to punish someone. And God is still there to love us through this. God is smiling and now that I have a moment to actually see God, and listen, I can realize that there is more to the story. God is doing something else.

Coming up close to God is risky, you know. If you want to have words with God, go on. If you need to be angry with God, be real about it.

If you can be real wit God, God can be real with you.

But you have to take your chances. If you come before God, you will not be the same when you and God are done. And that is exactly how God wants it.

That is how I understand the psalm writer. Because something changed this writer too. Listen how she all of a sudden tells the story of her rescue.

From the horns of the wild oxen you have rescued me.

And then she goes on to promise something to God and she is making the promise because facing God, her hope has been restored.

I will tell of your name to my brothers and sisters;
in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:
You who fear the Lord, praise him!
All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him;
stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!

She came to a conclusion about God:

For he did not despise or abhor the affliction of the afflicted;
he did not hide his face from me,
but heard when I cried to him.

She has hope and that hope gives rise to praise. Because I am not just hoping for the future, I am confident again that God will deliver me. I know what God has done, I know what God has promised. Now that I have been face to face, I can see again that God loves me and intends good for me. For that I feel like praising God, I feel like dancing and shouting and singing Hallelujah.

From you comes my praise in the great congregation;
my vows I will pay before those who fear him.
The poor shall eat and be satisfied;
those who seek him shall praise the Lord.
May your hearts live for ever!

All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord;
and all the families of the nations shall worship before him.
For dominion belongs to the Lord,
and he rules over the nations.

To him, indeed, shall all who sleep in the earth bow down;
before him shall bow all who go down to the dust,
and I shall live for him.
Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord,
and proclaim his deliverance to a people yet unborn,
saying that he has done it.

God has done it.

Those are the words that end this psalm. When Jesus was hanging on the cross, he sang this song, the song that starts out in despair, but all of a sudden turns from there to remembrance to hope and finally to praise and recognition.

There is one thing I want to tell you before I sit down. The real question for you and me remains: How did Jesus know to turn to God when he was in the deepest misery of his life, when he was in agony, hanging on the cross, hoping for death to come quickly?

It is not an easy question. When the circumstances are so overwhelming as they were for him at that time, what did he have in him that made him sing not only his lament, but also his assurance that God has done it?

More importantly, is there something you can do to help you, so that when you face a time of great trial, you know to go to God directly, to face God up close, and have God minister to you at that moment.

How can you prepare yourself?

You know it already, and Jesus gave the example.

Luk 18:1. Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Luk 11:1 One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”

Luk 9:28 About eight days after Jesus said this, he took Peter, John and James with him and went up onto a mountain to pray.

Mar 14:32 They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.”

Mat 26:36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”

You see there is a pattern emerging here.

Mat 19:13 Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them.

Luk 6:12 One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.

Mat 14:23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.

Let’s look for just a minute at that last example, from Matthew 14:23. You know the story of Jesus walking on water toward his disciples. And Peter for a moment walked toward Jesus too. You know that story. Before Jesus walked on water, he was on the mountain praying to God.

We read this story in Bible study a few months ago. And all of a sudden it dawned on me. What a magnificent time that must be. Can you imagine, Jesus in the presence of God on the mountain.

If you will, close your eyes, for just a moment. Please stop walking for a little bit. Close the doors.

I want you to see that mountain before you, see how Jesus is climbing up and when he reaches the top, he stands there, in the presence of God. Can you feel the love of that place? Can you feel the Joy that both Jesus and God have at that moment? Can you see how they know each other intimately? And can you see how Jesus is now turning towards you, stretching out his hand and guiding you up the mountain to be there with him and with God. Can you feel that you are entering the joy, the love… Can you feel the presence of God… and see how God is looking at you…, how God knows you….

Stay there for just a little while.

With Jesus and God.

And at a certain moment, it was time for Jesus to come down from the mountain to look for his disciples. And for you too, there is a time to come down from the mountain, because there are those who need you. Know that you can always go up this mountain when you have a few moments, this place where Jesus wants you to meet God. Do this every day, and when you need to, you know to go to God no matter what, and you too will say:

God has done it.