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Full Contact Listening

Listening to children is a full body engagement. The ears are part of listening, but only a part. Listening to your child reminds you of your body, requires all your senses and takes place in your heart. You don’t seek to understand what is going on with your mind. You seek to feel with your child, hold space for your …

Ash Wednesday and Lent

This is the kind of fast day I’m after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. …

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Give Life

Dear Kai, It seems that there are two different stories presented about being a man in our day and age. The first one we see in the media, on t.v. mostly and if you’re unfamiliar with it, the story is quite simple. The husband is at home a bumbling foo; and the other has to nag him every step of …

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I Love Women

Dear Kai, Several years ago I did an exercise in a class where we drew a box on the black board and we called it the “Be a man” box. (I learned this exercise from the sociologist Michael Kimmel.) The idea is that the class identifies what they think of when they hear the phrase “Be a man!” They were …

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Remember your mother’s love

Dear Kai Today I want to start with an assumption. You tell me if I’m right or not. When you think about your parents, mother(s), father(s), members of your extended family, family friend and others who are close, do you think about their wealth, if they have any? Do you think about their jobs or business? Do you think about …

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Dear Kai, You know that poem by Robert Browning called Paracelsus? It was really the last few lines of the poem I want to focus on. … And to know Rather consists in opening out a way Whence the imprisoned splendour may escape, Than in effecting entry for a light Supposed to be without. All that you may need in …

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Dear Kai

I am writing you today to address a question that you didn’t ask me. Yet, even though you didn’t ask me this question, I can feel that it weighs on you.
What is that question you ask?

What must I do to become a real man?

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I love you — I love you not

Children use the words “I love you” for their parents and that may be confusing for stepparents. In particular when the kids and stepparents clearly love each other. Don’t be confused. Kids share their affection gladly and freely. You just have to see them in the ways that they do. I am very curious to hear your reflections on this. …

Oh, let me gush for a moment

Because today as I write this, it is Angela’s birthday. This is the fourth time I have wished her a happy birthday. Though I have to say that the first time escaped her attention. We had just had a lunch together nine days before and when I look back at those days, I had already fallen in love. But I …