The Paradox of Parenting

I think today I just want to name it.

The paradox of parenting.

I will have more to say about it later. Probably quite a bit more.

But here is the paradox that you feel every day of your parenting life.

Parenting is the most personal thing you have ever done and probably will ever do.

On the other hand …

You’re at your best, when you don’t take parenting personally.

That’s it. That’s the paradox.

And you know it’s true. When your child lashes out at you, hurls insults in your face, defies your reasonable requests …

… and you take this personally …

… things go south pretty quickly.

And when you don’t take it all quite so personally, and you can see the struggle your child is facing apart from you,

you create a level of spaciousness inside yourself that allows you to not only help your child, but love her and him as you are doing so.

Not that easy. When they yell, I hate you, or you’re stupid, when they hit you in the face, in the belly, when they chuck a water glass through the kitchen, it feels personal.

And when, by some miracle, you maintain some spaciousness inside yourself, you know most of the time how to be with your kid.

And perhaps you feel a little proud of yourself when you do.

You should.

It’s bloody hard to do.

As I said, I will have more to say about this, but I think you are already chewing on this. I don’t need to say much more.

Please feel free to tell me what you’re stewing on. I really would like to hear.

I hope that someone receives you spaciously today.

Niels


Also published on Medium.